When Amber asked me to write a blog post for Cyber Dating Sidekick, my initial reaction was skeptical. Not because I didn’t want to be featured on her blog, but because I didn’t feel I had much to offer. She responded by basically saying, stop being ridiculous and write something. This is one of the reasons I love her.
So I started thinking and realized why I wasn’t interested in writing this post. I despise the term “online dating.” Granted I use it on occasion since it’s difficult not to. But the truth is, it’s a term we should retire.
“But Conner,” some of you are thinking, “it’s dating, and it takes place online?” Nonsense, is my response.
Back in the glory days of the Internet, when people used flashing text without irony and hotmail.com email addresses were considered hot, the phrase online dating made sense. We considered the Internet a little scary, it was unknown, and we generally didn’t know the people at the other end of the series of tubes. Online dating was “weird” because using the Internet to meet new people wasn’t typical. Let’s be honest, keeping in touch with family and friends wasn’t exactly figured out either.
But that’s not true today. Most of us spend a lot of time online; not playing mindless flash games, not reading the news, but talking to our friends and making new ones. OkCupid, Match.com, and Plenty of Fish are nothing more than social networks. The only difference between them and Facebook or Twitter is that by joining these sites it’s implied you want to meet people to date, not to chat about the latest Daily Show episode.
The truth is that meeting people is essential to getting dates, and the Internet has made meeting new people a lot easier. We no longer rely on work, church, or our friends to meet new people. We can use the Internet to meet people from across the street or across the ocean. Once that starts happening, you can find some dates if you’re looking.
Dating websites are like singles mixers. Most people are there for the same reason, which is the crux of my issue with online dating. I never enjoy singles parties. I don’t want to walk into a place with the sole intention of walking out with four or five phone numbers I need to call in a few days. I want to meet women who do the things I do, not because they hoped to meet their future husband in a crowded room.
This probably explains why I’m awful at getting dates on OkCupid. It bores me. I want to have conversations and get to know someone without any pressure. Instead, I find that I get dates on Twitter, even though it’s not a dating website. This works for me because I’m not there to get dates. I’m there to talk to friends, discuss the news, and share my favorite restaurants. Just like in the real world, I don’t need a place designed just to get dates to get dates. They happen anywhere you meet new people, as long as you bother asking.
So let’s forget the term “online dating.” Instead let’s call it dating. It happens online, but for many of us life happens online. Why brand dating that happens online any differently?
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If you’re interested in talking to Conner, going on a date with Conner, or telling Conner he’s just plain wrong, find him on Twitter or at connermccall.com. He’s also on OkCupid…but like everyone else, you’ll have to stumble on him accidently.
