Profile Critiques
The Golden Lasso – $25.00
The most efficient and valuable way to improve your fighting skills. The Golden Lasso is an overview online presence: I’ll tell you what it is about your profile that makes people want you…and what to change to make them want you even more.
Super Friends Unite! – $45.00
Get your profile reviewed by the very people you’re going for! I’ve got both male and female reinforcements waiting in the wings, ready to spill it on whether or not your profile is making your mark with your target (get it? I said mark and target in the same sentence. Hope you got that joke) audience.
The TroubAlert – $65.00
Don’t know how to spot the red flags in other peoples’ profiles, so you keep finding yourself on dates with the delusional or desperate? The TroubAlert is a one-on-one coaching session that will train you in deftly critiquing and decoding your matches’ profiles so you’re not wasting your time on hollering into an empty cave. It’s a transfer of power…and I’ll make sure you’ll know how to use it wisely.
Profile Creation
The Invisible Plane – $45.00
I rewrite/revise your profile, help you select the most flattering profile photos (or work on getting new ones for you), and basically take you from what we (read: I) call “skip-over” to “read-over.”
The Power Pirate – $75.00
You got nothin’. You need the total package – and either the thought of doing it yourself makes you break out into a nervous sweat, or you just don’t have the time, high-roller. When it comes to picking out the right site, crafting a winning (and winsome) profile that’s all you, selecting the perfect profile photos, answering the many stats/questions, and completing all of those other quirky little features that come with an online dating profile…I’ve got you covered.
Messaging
The Bat-Signal – $40.00
Sending out tons of messages but not getting any responses? Or are you getting messages but have no idea what to say back so you won’t sound like a total douche (“Do you like Triscuits? I like Triscuits.”)? The tricks are easy, but for those not in the know, messaging can be the toughest part of the game. With my assistance, it can become your biggest strength.
The Phantom Zone – 3/$35
Not really into that whole “doin’ for myself” part of the game? Alright. Ghostwritten messages can take the anxiety out of getting from cyber to coffeeshop, and will be deftly authored to reflect your personal style so the recipient feels as if you actually did it yourself, slacker. This service is priceless. You’re getting it for a special price. You’re welcome.
Dating Assistance
The Dynamic Date – $55.00
You’re finally ready to ask out the kid you’ve been messaging for the past week(s). But how? And where do you go, what do you do, how to do you dress, what do you talk about (or, most importantly, what don’t you talk about?). I can help. The Dynamic Date – a one-on-one coaching session – will set you up for a lifetime of great meet-ups.
For online dating help and requests, we only support the most common sites/apps such as:
If you require assistance using a different site/app/niche, let us know and we will verify ahead of time to make sure that we can help you out.
The Shadow – $59 an hour
Nervous about Stranger Danger? I can discreetly shadow you on a date (and gracefully intervene should a crisis – or just plain and utter boredom – arise) for $59 an hour, 4 hours max (because if your date goes longer than 4 hours…it’s safe to say that you’re probably golden).
A Little Extra Side to Your Kick
The Stealth Rocket – $150 first month/$75 renewal
- Profile decoding session (The TroubAlert)
- Unlimited monthly profile reviews and feedback on potential matches
- 3 weekly recommended matches, from someone who actually knows what you like (versus blind mathematical algorithms).
The Wonder Twins – $200 first month/$100 renewal
- Message coaching session (The Bat-Signal)
- Unlimited monthly message feedback (proofreading, advice, and sounding board)
- 3 ghostwritten or assisted messages a week (The Phantom Zone)
The Superhero – $250/first mo, $150 renewal
Feeling completely clueless? This package will turn you into an online dating superhero. Just look at those muscles! Have you been working out?
- One-on-One meeting
- Invisible Plane or Power Pirate (whichever one you require)
- Photo selection
- One round of profile tweaks
- Other dating site suggestions
- Unlimited monthly message coaching and feedback
- Unlimited TroubAlert assistance on all of your matches
Ready to get started? Fire up the Sky Signal.
